Another great episode. I must have a very large heart. Without knowing it, I have practiced it with my daughter who died almost 9 years ago. I had practiced unconditional love, but with accountability. I always told her that she would reap what she sowed but without enabling her.
By showing grace, she knew how much we loved her. By holding her accountable, we set boundaries. She knew when she had crossed that line.
This Episode touched me deeply, partly because I have done a lot of enabling in my life, acknowledging people's hurt and trauma (being so empathic, because I have lived with trauma myself most of my life). I had not even heard about boundaries until say 10 years ago. And it's true, love that only gives ultimately collapses. Accountability must be entered into the picture. But what to do when a person cannot be held accountable!? I was my beloved husband's caregiver for 8 years. He had several illnesses, among them dementia. His lifelong pattern of evading accountability, rather blaming others or circumstances, was much aggravated with his dementia, and there was no way to hold him accountable for things he messed up. Finally I was burned out, angry and felt betrayed. It was only a few weeks before he died (2 years ago) that I managed to resolve things within myself, by being accountable and seeing the gifts inherent in this challenging situation. Thereby freeing myself from any resentment. Out of that freedom grew integrity, a moving out of victimhood, a new sense of self and a deeper understanding of ONE-ness and unconditional love. God am I grateful for all the gifts that this hard journey has brought. Maria
Bob,
Another great episode. I must have a very large heart. Without knowing it, I have practiced it with my daughter who died almost 9 years ago. I had practiced unconditional love, but with accountability. I always told her that she would reap what she sowed but without enabling her.
By showing grace, she knew how much we loved her. By holding her accountable, we set boundaries. She knew when she had crossed that line.
Thank you, Bob, for such a concise explanation.
Love you, my brother,
Pepper
This Episode touched me deeply, partly because I have done a lot of enabling in my life, acknowledging people's hurt and trauma (being so empathic, because I have lived with trauma myself most of my life). I had not even heard about boundaries until say 10 years ago. And it's true, love that only gives ultimately collapses. Accountability must be entered into the picture. But what to do when a person cannot be held accountable!? I was my beloved husband's caregiver for 8 years. He had several illnesses, among them dementia. His lifelong pattern of evading accountability, rather blaming others or circumstances, was much aggravated with his dementia, and there was no way to hold him accountable for things he messed up. Finally I was burned out, angry and felt betrayed. It was only a few weeks before he died (2 years ago) that I managed to resolve things within myself, by being accountable and seeing the gifts inherent in this challenging situation. Thereby freeing myself from any resentment. Out of that freedom grew integrity, a moving out of victimhood, a new sense of self and a deeper understanding of ONE-ness and unconditional love. God am I grateful for all the gifts that this hard journey has brought. Maria